The art of persuasion

For whatever reason people struggle with the idea of influence and negotiating, I guess it’s because we tend to associate any form of it with manipulation by sleek sales men trying to push their product into our hands. But persuasion and negotiation are not only about selling things. It’s about how you communicate with yourself and others to make any desired changes be it making more money, building better relationships or becoming healthier.

As I have mentioned in previous blog posts, human beings aren’t rational. At least 70% of the time our reactive mind or natural instincts override our rational thinking capacity. So to think that you’ll use reason to win arguments, persuade or convince someone else, or yourself for that matter, of a particular point is an ineffective strategy. Think of how many times you have had heated conversations about something you believed and at some point in the argument you noticed the opposing argument made sense, yet you still held on to your side of the argument regardless of its rationality.

It’s evident that we are not only irrational but that we would also rather be consistent with our actions (in this case our argument), than we would be with our thoughts no matter how unreasonable they are. So before you attempt to change reason, try changing behavior first.

Small requests often make way for larger ones. There was a study done on a persuasion technique, where participants were asked to comply with a small request. For instance signing a petition for supporting a cause, then they were asked to take much bigger action in support of the cause such as participating in a protest or rally. What the study found was that when people were asked to make small and easy commitments, they were more likely to comply with much bigger requests, than those who didn’t commit to the minor action to begin with. So try this on yourself; if you want to quit smoking for instance, try making a commitment to minor or easy action for starters. You may decide to smoke five cigarettes a day instead of your regular ten per day. Remember, behavior always outweighs reason since people are more likely to remain consistent with their actions that they would their thoughts.

It’s more effective to demonstrate your point, than to explain it. Trying to verbally convince someone of something may have a nasty side effect. Talk is cheap and almost everyone knows that in efforts to persuade them we’ll say just about anything. We’ll do anything, quote the bible, and refer to unverifiable sources. Very few people can be moved by this. It’s more effective to demonstrate your arguments than to rely on words alone. In a business situation for instance; if two architects were bidding for the same tender, which one would have a better chance at securing the project? The one who spent hours talking about design theories, statistics or ideas in efforts to convey his vision, or the one who actually designed and created a miniature model of his idea? Even the best arguments or written presentations have no solid foundation since we have become skeptical of the slippery nature of words.

Don’t try to persuade someone, ask the right questions. As mentioned, people generally don’t regard reason and they hate it when you try to convince them. It’s easier to have them convince themselves of your argument by asking the right set of questions. Helping someone find their own reasons for doing something is the best persuasion tactic you could apply. For example, if you try convincing a friend of yours to start exercising, you won’t get far in persuading them by telling them about all the benefits of working out. They just agree with all your points, while blocking out all these words you’re throwing that them. As much as we have attention deficit disorder to people’s opinions, we are very bias to our own opinions. So when negotiating its best you ask the question that lead them to finding their own reasons.

A few basic questions you could use in persuasion or negotiation situations include: • Why would you want to make this decision? • What would have to happen for you to make this change? • Why is doing this important to you? • What do you chose to do about this?

These are just a few questions with potential to influence behavioral change on yourself or others.

No amount of external influence will get someone to make a change. So you’ll improve your odds significantly at influencing someone using these communication strategies. So the underlining principal in the strategies covered here primarily include having the person on the receiving end of your persuasion take action and find their own reason, however small, affirming or reinforcing your request. Much of modern day communication is highly dependent on our capacity to effectively convey our opinions, ideas, beliefs and instructions applied through all aspects of our lives. To be successful with anything you do will involve influencing others and persuading them of your ideas and opinions. However, persuasion isn’t an exact science, it’s an art and it only gets better with study and practice.